booXthatleaveamarkMIBF2024 Entry

The very reason why I find old preloved books so alluring and irresistible to buy is not just because they are way cheaper but rather, they surprise you in so many ways that you will feel good about yourself for spending so little yet you acquired treasure in return. One thing that buying pricey new books cannot give you, or at least for me. Not to mention that old books smell better. 😁

But, perhaps, one major factor that led me to prefer preloved books than buying new ones, is that I grew up reading incredible short stories for free. Where else? At school.

Reading heartwarming short stories at a very young age, inspired me to write my own too. "Perhaps, I can also make people feel emotion, particularly sadness, with the stories I write", I told myself during elementary days.

Sad stories make people realize more in life, or so I thought back then. Perhaps, because, most short stories featured in our reading books have sad endings and I was greatly influenced by them. Actually, I forgot their titles but I still know their sad endings and how it made me feel hurt and do better in life to avoid their endings.

Moving up to High School, oh my, the novels have much more depressing storylines 😅. From Ibong Adarna to Florante at Laura to Rizal's. Name it! How do you want to feel hurt? High School mandatory novels have different ways to do so. And then, there I was creating sad poems and short stories because they stir up something in the readers' heart. People make a move when they get hurt. Whatever it is I wanted to fuel the movement.

College came, I was more exposed to literature. The Iliad, Shakespeare's, and the Greek Myth were some of the storyline that amazed me (even until now). Well, because I was brought up to love sad stories anyway.

Yet still, I didn't spend a peso to read all of them.

And the first time I did. It was around P500 or P800 (I already forgot). It was because of the hype. And I thought I'm going to be reading a very good novel. I will not name the title and the author, but it was a famous filipino writer who conducts free script writing training/workshop. And I was dismayed. Well, maybe it was just me, because this writer is famous nationwide and he has existing fandom. I felt bad for the money I spent.

And then, I met stories of Bob Ong. Now this man (presumably) really moved me not just to write but to become a writer myself. And this is the first author that made me save money to buy his books. But I must admit, I have read most of his books by borrowing friends'.

Anyway, why do I tell all of this? (And I hope you're still reading this entry 😅) because I want to make a point that, we might not realize it, but every book and story we read plays a vital role into becoming or shaping who we are as time goes by. All of the books and stories we had read had left a mark on our soul. Some subtle, some are obvious, some you don't even realize but it's there, somewhere.

I love the touch of sunlight on my skin perhaps because of the stories of the Aetas I read on childhood who were bullied because of their skin color and made me realized that it's not nice to bully and having dark skin is not something to be ashamed of.

I chose and married the love of my life because I became wiser by reading tragic love stories and chose to learn from them. (But mostly because I am sure he is the one, so unless you're sure, don't.)

I am how I behave and think today because somehow, partly, it's because of Bob Ong's Macarthur. And perhaps, his writings had greatly influenced my own style in writing. Also he had me looking for other Filipino authors who have skills in writing stories that make people feel and move... and led me hoping to be one of them.

But this time, after reading all the books that left a mark on me in different ways, I don't want to write sad and depressing stories anymore. Rather, I want to make stories that aid people to write their own survival story or at least lead them into survival. Darkness is a scary place, I'd like to provide a torch. Just like how I found one when I needed it the most.

P. S. I still won't buy pricey new books, so joining this gives me a pass to enjoy them without spending a dime, presumably I got picked as one of the winners 😅

#booXthatleaveamarkMIBF2024 entry

(Two years later commentary: Olats 'tu. Pero nireread ko, ayos naman for posting dito sa blog site ko. Naguluhan siguro yung jury kung ano yung books that leave a mark. O malabo at puro kwento na ginawa ko.)

Remarkable Part: Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank

Reading this book made me ask myself to why only now did I read this masterpiece. It's like, I meant in most part, I was like the wholeness of Anne Frank, particularly in the latter part of the book, she is writing my thoughts and details about me. And that made me conclude that we are so much alike.

That's the thing about reading, it will somehow prove to you that you are not alone. That there is at least someone out there who thinks the same way like you do, not completely, but alike.

Anyway, here are the remarkable parts of the book: 

We never lose our demons...

There's a line from the movie Doctor Strange that I completely agree with, it says "We never lose our demons, we just learned how to live above them." 

I am saved by grace by the blood of Jesus. He is my Savior, I belong to Him. But I do know that being a Christian or a follower of Jesus doesn't make you completely live a life without sinning. Admit or not, no matter how long you are walking with God, you fall down sometimes. And He knows that, He is completely aware that You are bound to make mistakes from time to time. Because truth is, we never lose our demons, unless we are taken to Heaven where it cannot linger around anymore.

Why am I saying all of these? Well, I've made a list:

1. To help you understand the Christian life. To remind you that everytime you fall down and see yourself breaking the heart of Jesus, you must not listen to the voices condemning you. It's not the Holy Spirit's voice, it's the enemy's voice making you believe you are otherwise what God sees in you.

You must run back as immediately as you can to the arms of God, the moment you realize you have messed up. Straight back to Him. Fall down seven times and run straight back to God eight times asking for His forgiveness and grace. Because as long as we Christians are in the flesh, we are bound to sin. Your sin might be great but His love is Greater. He might discipline you, but you, as His sheep, will always be forgiven for your past, present, and future sins.

2. That you can express yourself and see God's truth in the what self-righteous chritians perceive as "worldly". Like perhaps, the one I quoted above might be misinterpreted by them, or me having this cover of the song Demons might make them raise their eyebrows, without seeing beyond the facade.

I'm past that life. Because I now see God in everything. In songs they see as "worldly", in movies they want to get banned or that they don't approve of, in animes they claimed satanical, and so on... It's like I don't live and belong with their shallow belief anymore. I don't know how will you call it, but it's like I'm not part of their system anymore.

3. That yes, we never lose our demons, but we must learn to live above them. How? Jesus. A genuine relationship with Jesus.

You are free to check on your Bible for the biblical references of the things I say here. And you are free to rebuke me if you see something I say here that is not aligned with the Word of God and vice versa. Yes, folks, don't forget to always read your Bible, it's our daily armor. 

Shalom!

Huwag mo nawa makalimutan

 

Miracle and Pain Part II

"...but with this, am I wasting my miracle?"

We cannot let pain be the master of our life or us be the master of it. If your life is truly surrendered to Jesus, you got to give it up to Him too. I know it felt like you deserve that pain, but you are isolating that part of your life to the power of Jesus. You are disconnecting that part to Jesus. And you know it's wrong. 

So, we got to make the decision to let it go. Don't keep that pain. It's no longer yours the moment you have decided to have a personal relationship with Jesus as your personal Savior and Master of your life (Romans 3:23; Romans 6:23; John 3:16). It's up to Him to decide whether to heal that pain or keep it with you forever. Let him. If He wants that pain written in your heart, okay. If He wants you to completely be healed from it, okay. Just let Him have that decision. He has forgiven your past and perhaps right now, it's hard for you to forgive yourself, it's okay, but don't barricade that part of your life, allow Jesus to work on it.

It's not instantaneous, it is a process. And the first step is you deciding to give it up to God (Colossians 3:1-2 "If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on earth."). Put down all the barricade you have placed on that area. It's not yours to keep. It's okay to cry and cry and bleed everytime the thought of it comes to your mind but this time do it while allowing Jesus to work on it (Matthew 11:28-29 "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy ladden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your spuls."). It will get better whether he decides to let that pain stay with you or be healed from it. Because He never wasted pain. I know, I, too, will get better handling this pain. I have decided to give this up. It's not for me to hold on it anymore and I am giving it up to Him. I am not the master of this pain nor pain being my master. It's not for me to decide to keep this pain in my life forever. If Jesus will heal this pain, then be it, if He decides to make it stay with me, then be it. But it's completely up to Him. I know whichever His decision is will make me better and falls accordingly to the future He has for me that wouldn't waste the Miracle He has done, is doing, will be doing in my life (Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.").

Para Kay Bob Ong at sa Masugid na Tiga Basa ng mga Sinauna Kong Blog

Kamusta ka na Bob Ong? Dekada na din ang lumipas mula nung mabalitaan kong may bago kang librong isinulat. Nagsusulat ka pa ba? Namimiss ba kita? Oo, naman. Ikaw kaya ang nagudyok sa akin na posible pa lang maging manunulat kahit hindi nakapaloob sa teyoryang itinuturo sa literatura. Magsulat ka kung paano ka magsalita, parang ganun. 'Di mo kailangan pekein ang personalidad ng paglalahad mo ng istorya, parang ganun. 

Anyway, hindi naman ako sumulat para lang kamustahin ka kasi malabo namang sumagot ka at malaman ko ang kalagayan mo. Pero, gusto ko lang malinawan at masiguro sa sarili ko na hindi naman siguro madumi ang isip ko no... Pero kasi, pareho ba tayu ng iniisip dito? 👇

Dahil ito ang pinakapaborito kong libro mo, binasa ko ulit. Ngunit ngayon, may mga detalyeng kagaya niyan, na ngayon ko lang naunawaan ang subtle meaning, kung meron man. Pero sinadya mo 'yan. Please,aminin mo. 😅 Marahil nga ay hinulma na ng panahong lumipas ang aking pag-iisip kaya kung ano-ano na ang napapansin. 😅

Hindi ko pa tinatanong ang iba kung anong palagay nila diyan sa talata na 'yan. Dumeretso ako sa'yo, sa may akda. Kahit alam kong 'di naman aabot ang liham na ito sa iyong lingid.

At sa'yo na masugid na humahalungkat ng aking mga panunulat. Ikaw naman ang pangalawa kong tatanungin... Anong naunawaan mo sa talatang iyan 😅? Nagpapasalamat na din ako dahil dahil sa'yo, nanunumbalik ang paghanga ko sa sarili ko sa mga nailalabas kong salita/talata/pag-iisip sa pamamagitan ng pagsusulat. Parang pwede kong sabihin, "I was a good writer 10 years ago." Pero hindi ko 'yun alam 10 years ago. Ngayon ko lang naappreciate na talaga palang may potential ang mga sinusulat ko.  Tama lang palang inilathala ko ang mga iba kong panunulat dito sa world wide web.

At sa mga hindi naniniwala sa akin, pasensyahan tayo, patuloy akong magsusulat. 🤪 Magsusulat na lang ako ng magsusulat kesa maging decipherer. Kaso, bakit ganun, kahit ayokong magdecipher kusa itong inihahain sa aking harapan. Pero, hindi na nga ako magdedecipher, isinusuko ko na. 'Ba naman the last time I did, saan ba ko pinulot at nakarating? Tulad nitong, liham kong 2in1, kung san-san na nakarating.

O siya, iiwan ko na lang ang isa sa remarkable lines ng kwentong ito. Halos ang buong istorya naman ay remarkable. Kaya nga paborito ko ito, ngunit kung hihingi man ng remarkable line, isa ito 👇 (Hanggang sa muli, Shalom)

"Mga bata pa kayo. Pag pinaniwalaan...

Tips on How to Pass Civil Service Exam (CSE)

First and foremost, allow me to congratulate you for taking your first step to achieve your goal, whIch is basically acquiring tips and reviewers for your Civil Service Exam, otherwise you wont be here reading this blog. 

Alright, let's get going to why you are reading this. Below are the tips I personally learned upon my CSE journey:

1. Don't just review, create a timeline for your review - upon registration for CSE, you have around 3 months or less to prepare for the day itself. Even though the CSC is not releasing yet the exam coverage you have to start reviewing. I suggest you buy a book reviewer because it allows you to make a time frame for each category you have to relearn. Divide each section of the reviewer and mark when you should reach the last page. The CSE is so broad, so might as well start reviewing upon successful registration.

2. Leave the last 2 weeks before the date of exam as refresher of what you did learn for the last 3 months - there's a big chance you will forget what you have reviewed, so allot your last 2 weeks as refresher for what you have reviewed for the last 3 months. 

3. Take down notes - have a personal notebook where you take down notes and important details that you will read back during the last 2 weeks for refresher as mentioned in tip no. 2. Also, studies show that you are more likely to remember stuff when you write it down.

3. Still take time to do what you are passionate about even when reviewing - take it lightly and still do what you are fond about. Whether it is writing poetry, playing guitar, nature tripping, baking, or whatever creative stuff it is, still have some time to do it. I strongly believe that not stressing too much yourself as you review greatly helps. You can also allot only at least 2 hours a day for the review and do some other stuff. Enjoy as you review. Personally, I exclude Mondays as my "no review day", so I think having a break helps. As long as you are achieving your time frame as mentioned on tip no. 1.

4. Join online community - as for me, joining the page of Ma'am Taj Martin (CSE FB Community) really helps me. You will be amazed by the hokage tips you can get from the online community which are beneficial to your goal to pass. I personally suggest that you involve yourself with the online coaches, like Ma'am Taj Martin, Maam Leonalyn, and Team Lyqa, rather than enrolling to a review center. You are really going to need their hokage tips on how to solve/answer questions in easier ways. You may also ask knowledgeable persons if you want to fully understand certain topics, like your prof/teachers, like what I did.

5. Practice Mock Exams with Time Limit - buying book reviewer, like Brain Box, usually comes with a mock exam. You can also find these CSE mock exams online and free. Please do not skip this tip. This will help you improve manage your time because the actual exam is really time consuming. You have to learn how to answer faster. So practice mock exams with time limit. 

6. Pray before and after you perform your review - among all the tips here, this is the most effective. Pray to God and talk to Him with all your heart. Let Him handle this battle. 

7. Don't announce that you are going to take the exam - you may allow some of your closest loved ones or friends but never announce it to the public. Believe me, you will feel less pressured and that will contribute to a healthy psychological well-being.

8. Check all the necessary documents/things you need to bring before the exam day - please don't do this on the day itself.

9. Check the exam venue before the date of your exam if possible - or at least google map it to plan your route going there. 

10. Be early on the day of your CSE - don't ruin all the efforts you have made for the last 3 months by being late. Be there at least 1 hour before the time. 

There you go. Hope these help. I really wanted to share these insights because it's the only thing I can do to help strangers acquire a passing score. 80% is not an easy score to achieve and that shows on the figures below:

I only passed because of the grace of God. That's why tip no. 6 is very important. After the exam, I already accepted that I indeed failed the exam, there's no way I could reach that 80% passing rate, I told myself, and if ever I passed, it's not because I can but only because of God's grace. Perhaps some of the guess I shaded, blessedly, turned out to be the right answers. I don't know, but I am sure it's not because of myself alone. And I pray, you too, pass this CSE and if not, don't give-up and try again. This was my score the last time I took CSE, it was also my first time. It's okay to fail. In my case, I turned it as a stepping stone to do better next time:

This is what I got now, praise be to God:

By the way, allow me to share my husband's rating as first time taker because I'm so amazed of his rating almost surpassing mine without a decent review as he say so. I don't know if he's bluffing, but during the 3 months of my review, I never saw him pick up my reviewer, so unless you have a brain like him, forget all the tips I mentioned 😅. But not no. 6 and No. 10. Never. 

P.S. if you saw the numbering mistake here, you are likely to pass CSE 😅.

Marriage Advice No. 2

I wrote our first advice last year, and just now comes the second. And again, I reiterate, that we are no expert, we are just sharing insights from what we are learning as married couple to maybe somehow help other couples too.

In any romantic relationship, love is important, but so is, respect, forgiveness, trust, faithfulness, understanding, patience, and the list goes on. Your relationship will not survive a lifetime if it is only anchored on love and love alone. It needs to be anchored on the list I've mentioned (and what I've said the list goes on). But most importantly, first, your relationship needs to have a deeper and strong foundation, and that is God. And those aspects will naturally be born as you go on with your relationship. 

And sometimes, in order to give your lifetime partner the respect, faithfulness, understanding he deserves you need to let go of things that makes him feel otherwise. That includes cutting ties or attachment that he doesn't approve of. I have to admit that I don't understand this at first. We argue over this thinking he doesn't widen his mind and see from my perspective. I have seen him as someone who lacks faith in my love for him whenever this issue arises. I actually made steps to make him build the same attachment I have with this person. And I thought for awhile it worked. It was only when I saw and felt my man's pain brought by the attachment I have with this friend, I realized that I am not becoming of a wife he deserves. I am hurting him. And I am choosing to hurt him with having this attachment he doesn't approve of. And I don't like hurting him. It hurts me too. And so, I cut the ties with my long time friend.  

Don't get the idea that this post is about me cheating. No. I would never hurt him like that. The attachment I am talking about is a long time friendship with an opposite sex. Do I love him?Yes, but I only love him as a friend. That's for certain. There are only few things I am certain about, and that's one of it. We've known eachother since High School, and he is one of the few people who stayed all through my life's seasons. That's why I don't understand why I have to cut our ties. Our friendship is that deep already, deep but not in a romantic way. That is maybe why it's hard to let go. I thought it could exist side by side with our married life. But I have married my man whom I vow to keep on choosing everyday over someone. And if it hurts him, I don't want it. 

So to that friend, If you're reading this... This is the answer to why I suddenly stop communicating with you. You always told me your girl is not bothered with our relationship, but my man is. I told you once that before, and you being friend with him didn't work. I will still be your friend and will always be your Basyang but let me be just a friend from a distance, supporting you quietly. I can no longer be by your side with all the activities we share interest with,  am sure your girl will do that with you. Continue living happy. 

And to you, my Man, I love you. I respect you. I understand you. I will be faithful to you for the rest of my life. And just like my vow, I will always choose you. I would turn my back to whatever is hurting you. Which made me realize, that If I were in your position, I would definitely feel jealous too and might do something unpleasant with you and your girl friend. But you always turn your back to whatever hurts me. Indeed, I  blessed having you. Thank you for being so patient with me. I love you everyday, always.  

And that my dearest readers, is our marriage advice for this season. Look forward for more. 

I cut my bangs shorter than normal

I tried cutting my bangs shorter than the usual because I know I will not be meeting people personally yet since we are not required to RTO for quite some time.

But lo and behold, I was assigned a host at a certain event days after I cut my bangs. 😆

It's just funny how sometimes the world makes fun of your choices in life. And how you respond to it will determine how you'll take advantage of it. 

I embrace it, I had to. Turns out I started liking what I look like with this bangs. 😁

Remarkable Part: Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver

 

The moment I realized that every creature in this world has a precious life to respect, I started treating them that. Because, really, it's always the case. So yeah, I'm one of those people who doesn't kill a spider just because it shares my space; I don't kill ants walking across the table because they, too, has a life and why would I take it away just because I have the ability to do so? 

And reading this book, highlights that side of me and strengthens my thesis about life of other creatures. And made me realize that there are people who think the same way I do with this certain topic. 

I actually don't have much remarkable part to share with you except these lines from the start and repeated at the end. Because yeah, it's a fact. 

Here it is:

 

My Hopes are High

 

" I hope that wherever you go next, you feel peace, you feel safe in a way that you never did here."

"I can love you and still let you go."

As I was browsing FB, I came across this post, these lines from the series 13 Reasons Why, and it reminded me of one person -- my Mama. 

It's been almost 5 months since she went in the arms of God. I know she's in the loving arms of God now and that she no longer feel pain and suffering brought by her illness and by certain circumstances in life. Still, the pain of losing her pains me. Not granting her healing, still hurts. Losing her still hurts. I don't know if it's just a phase I need to go through; that the mourning will pass as time goes by. As of now, it feels that this pain will always stay in my heart, and that's okay. I'm okay with that. I can move on from it and still feel the pain of losing her. It's part of me now and that's okay. Maybe I will be hurt everytime I remember that she could have lived her life with us happy and abundantly without illness and failure from her dreams that she maybe dreamt of ever since she was young. And I saw her failing every time she tries. But who I am to say that she has failed. Maybe she has succeeded more than that and it's just between her and God. 

The beautiful life I imagine with her that never happened in this timeline will always haunt me though I know she is perfectly happy and fine wherever she is now. 

My hopes are high that wherever she is right now, she feels peace, she feels safe and healthy, she finds true love the way she never did here. 

I love you, Mama. I can love you and still let you go. 

Remarkable Part: Muling Nanghaharana ang Dapithapon ni RM Topacio-Aplaon

Ito na marahil ang pangalawang libro na akda ng Pilipino na nagkaroon ako ng interes basahin ng isang upuan lang. Hindi sa literal na natapos ko ito ng isang upuan, kundi 'yung mayroong pagnanais na ipagpatuloy mong basahin ang kwento hanggang sa matapos ito. 

Kung nasusubaybayan niyo ang mga book reviews o reaction ko, marahil ay alam ninyong umaabot ng ilang buwan, mayroon pa ngang taon kapag nagbabasa ako ng nobela. Well, to be honest, maiiksing nobela lang din naman 'yung natatapos ko ng agaran, kagaya nitong MULING NANGHAHARANA ANG DAPIT HAPON ni RM Topacio-Aplaon na overnight ko lang nabasa (natulog ako ha).

Bukod sa hinihimok ng nobelang ito ang mga manunulat na muling magsulat o huwag bumitaw sa sining, mayroong tatlong "remarkable" na nagustuhan ko sa istorya. Hindi ito mga linya o excerpt, katulad ng iba kong nagawa sa book reviews, kahit mayroon naman. Kundi yung para sa kabuuan ng pagbasa ko dito.

1. 'Yung may namagitan sa dalawang bida ngunit hindi kinakailangan may mamagitang halik o higit pa. Gusto ko 'yung nagkaroon ng respeto ang manunulat sa dalawang character na parehong may unresolved issues at hindi niya ipinilit magkaroon ng ganuong relasyon. 

2.  'Yung kahit maliliit na detalye maiimagine mo na parang nanunuod ka ng pelikula na mayroong extreme long shot, wide angle, extreme close up at iba pa. 

3.  Na naiisip ko yung fiance ko kapag dini-describe ni Rafael ang dagat dahil ganuong-ganuon din ituring ng fiance ko ang mahika nito sa kanya. 

Marami pa akong nais isulat patungkol dito ngunit masyado nang personal para sa mambabasa ko (katulad nung No. 3) at sa tingin ko ay hindi na healthy iyun dahil magiging puro patungkol ito sa akin at hindi na sa libro. Kaya kung ako sa inyo, basahin niyo na at nang maintindihan ninyo ang pinanggagalingan ko. 

Sa maiksing salita, isa sa magagandang nobelang nabasa ko. Gayunpaman, hindi ako sang ayon na hindi na maganda ang Manila Bay. Marahil ay nagsawa lamang titigan ng manunulat dahil sa araw-araw nitong nakikita ito sa biyahe, ngunit maganda pa din ito, lalo na kung sasapit ang dapithapon. Tanungin niyo 'yung taong unang beses itong nasilayan. Pustahan. 

Hanggang sa muli.

P.S. Oo, mabagal ang Globe. Lahat ng network mabagal.

Remarkable Part: The Reason, The Mystery, The Return by Lacey Sturm

If you have heard about Flyleaf, then most probably you know who is Lacey Sturm. Yes, she was the vocalist of the band, now she uses her voice through writing about her testimonies and relationship with God. She continues to encourage more young people through her books and speaks.

She has written, as far as I know, 3 books. Yes, the ones mentioned at the title.

Since, my brother bought her 3 books, I hod the chance to read them and was inspired by her story and her passionate walk with God.

And here are rhe remarkable parts of the books (I am not going to mention which book the posted remarkable part is. It's up to you to find out, so I encourage you to read them too) :

1. 

2. 

3.

Sometimes, our God just wants to be our friend, not seeking praises or repentance, He just wants to be there to comfort and have a talk just like a best friend. 

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

Yes, I know. This one's very hard to apply.

17.

18.

19.

20.

"I had begun cold towards others. I doubted the ability to show the hope I had found to those who needed it. It was like the prodigal son. When he returned to his father after hitting bottom, he pleaded to him to be treated like one of his father's servant. That was his mentality. Just make me a servant. But his father would have none of that. He restored him to his status as a son and heir."

21.

22.

23.

24.