Marriage Advice No. 3

Married life is an extreme roller coaster ride. Once you entered this sacred vow, you have to get ready to experience the highs and lows in your relationship as lifetime partners.

There will be days that your lows are your fights, that at that very moment felt like you need to end your relationship now.

Perhaps, you have never felt that surrender before and this time you have reached your limit. Thinking it's better to end things now than to continue emotionally hurting  eachother because for sure, this situation will repeat in the future and there will be more at stake by then. By ending your relationship now, you are saving the both of you a more drastic break-up. 

Perhaps, that is where most relationship ends. At that kind of low. Because, yes, it is more ideal to save both of you than to continually be hurt by staying in the relationship. 

But also, that is where you'll know you have married the right person. Because he/she will stay. He/She will cry and burst put all his/her unsaid hurt feelings but at the end he/she stays.

And perhaps, you can try to push more his/her limit and patience with you because you really wanted to save the both of you from further hurting eachother by bidding goodbye now. But this person will always choose to stay.

He/she kept fighting for your relationship. Because perhaps, he/she knows that a married life is an extreme roller coaster ride and this is just part of the lows because surely the highs will follow. And he/she has chosen you through thick and thin. It's you he/she wants to spend this extreme roller coaster ride with. It's only you.

When you have realized this truth, you gotta stop pushing him/her away in exchange of saving the both of you. What you should do is stay too. And hug this eternity you two have created for the life you have envisioned. You gotta fight to keep this too, not to tear it apart. Help your partner who wants the both of you get through this low. 

Not everyone is blessed to have that kind of partner. And you got to realize that now and not after you have let him/her go. You have found your gem and now you got to decide and commit to fight for your relationship to last whatever happens. Like how he/she does.

You got to realize now that you have not mistaken of choosing him/her, God did really send him/her to be your lifetime partner. You have to realized it now. Not after you have decided to let him/her go. Yes, I am being redundant because this needs to sink in. 

There are lows, but there are highs too. And after you got through this kind of low, the burden or threat of it repeating subsides.

Also, keep including your relationship in your prayers. You would not survive without God being at the center of your relationship.

Shalom to you and your lifetime partner! 🫰

Disclaimer: The fight I meant here is a fight not involving physical attack or abuse nor emotional manipulation. If that's the case, leave and never look back.

Marriage Advice No. 2

I wrote our first advice last year, and just now comes the second. And again, I reiterate, that we are no expert, we are just sharing insights from what we are learning as married couple to maybe somehow help other couples too.

In any romantic relationship, love is important, but so is, respect, forgiveness, trust, faithfulness, understanding, patience, and the list goes on. Your relationship will not survive a lifetime if it is only anchored on love and love alone. It needs to be anchored on the list I've mentioned (and what I've said the list goes on). But most importantly, first, your relationship needs to have a deeper and strong foundation, and that is God. And those aspects will naturally be born as you go on with your relationship. 

And sometimes, in order to give your lifetime partner the respect, faithfulness, understanding he deserves you need to let go of things that makes him feel otherwise. That includes cutting ties or attachment that he doesn't approve of. I have to admit that I don't understand this at first. We argue over this thinking he doesn't widen his mind and see from my perspective. I have seen him as someone who lacks faith in my love for him whenever this issue arises. I actually made steps to make him build the same attachment I have with this person. And I thought for awhile it worked. It was only when I saw and felt my man's pain brought by the attachment I have with this friend, I realized that I am not becoming of a wife he deserves. I am hurting him. And I am choosing to hurt him with having this attachment he doesn't approve of. And I don't like hurting him. It hurts me too. And so, I cut the ties with my long time friend.  

Don't get the idea that this post is about me cheating. No. I would never hurt him like that. The attachment I am talking about is a long time friendship with an opposite sex. Do I love him?Yes, but I only love him as a friend. That's for certain. There are only few things I am certain about, and that's one of it. We've known eachother since High School, and he is one of the few people who stayed all through my life's seasons. That's why I don't understand why I have to cut our ties. Our friendship is that deep already, deep but not in a romantic way. That is maybe why it's hard to let go. I thought it could exist side by side with our married life. But I have married my man whom I vow to keep on choosing everyday over someone. And if it hurts him, I don't want it. 

So to that friend, If you're reading this... This is the answer to why I suddenly stop communicating with you. You always told me your girl is not bothered with our relationship, but my man is. I told you once that before, and you being friend with him didn't work. I will still be your friend and will always be your Basyang but let me be just a friend from a distance, supporting you quietly. I can no longer be by your side with all the activities we share interest with,  am sure your girl will do that with you. Continue living happy. 

And to you, my Man, I love you. I respect you. I understand you. I will be faithful to you for the rest of my life. And just like my vow, I will always choose you. I would turn my back to whatever is hurting you. Which made me realize, that If I were in your position, I would definitely feel jealous too and might do something unpleasant with you and your girl friend. But you always turn your back to whatever hurts me. Indeed, I  blessed having you. Thank you for being so patient with me. I love you everyday, always.  

And that my dearest readers, is our marriage advice for this season. Look forward for more. 

I'm sorry it took me long to make a stand with you, Johnny Depp

 Uh-uh, not my Johnny. 

I didn't know the man personally. I am just a fan who adores him from a distance. I don't know anything about their relationship nor how and what really went wrong. But I know, that they both have lapses, it's not just Amber.

For a girl to act like that, his partner perhaps fell short of the girl's definition of love and relationship. Perhaps Johnny had failed her somewhere on the line. But to treat your partner like that doesn't justify it. It doesn't give you the right to be abusive of your partner just because he always fall short of your expectations. And to devise evil against him is a big no-no. You don't do that to the person you love. You just can't.

It makes me wonder if she really had loved Johnny. 

It's a good thing the truth are all coming out. I adore Johnny, but it is only now I took a stand with him, now that the evidences of violence to him has been given. Because I thought it's not right for me to make "sawsaw" on their private relationship I know nothing about.. 

But now it's clear that this isn't about making "sawsaw" on their private relationship anymore, nor standing up with Johnny because you're a die-hard fan. It's speaking up against domestic violence. And we should fight against it and make a stand. Domestic violence should have no place in any homes. Regardless of the gender, no one should be a victim of it.

And, yes, not my Johnny. You don't do that to my Johnny. 

Sincerely Mainit-ang-ulo-kay-Amber,

One of Johnny Depp's number 1 fans.

(Yes, madami kaming nagkeclaim na number 1 fan niya)

Marriage Advice No. 1

I turned off the faucet, as I can't hear clearly the speaking voice behind the bathroom door. "Ha?", I said. "Alam ko na 'yung sinasabi mong clone. Siya 'yung Tatay ni Rey. Magiging scavenger sila. Blah blah." "Anak ng clone si Rey?" I said, but actually I was pertaining to the other clone, Fin. I did not correct him. We were talking about these before I enter the bathroom to take a bath. 

Months ago, I started to entice him to watch this amazing saga. "Panuorin mo 'yun. Maganda istorya nu'n" I told him. And just days ago, he surprised me, "Maganda 'tong movie. Ayaw mo panuorin." and then, seeing Rogue One playing on the screen.

I watched it again with him. All of the trilogies and saga. 

Now, here, we're down to the latest trilogy, which I admit was the least I fully understand among the saga, the very reason why we had the conversation that he is now continuing while am taking a bath, boy, I never thought he would be this hooked. 

"Dapat kasi may panuorin muna bago yan para maintindihan natin lalo. Parang ang layo ng laktaw." I suggest. He continued to tell the background story of Rey. "Tapusin ko lang paliligo ko. Mamaya na." he continued speaking as he walks away from the bathroom door.

I smiled and laughed. I realized he is so into it already. Maybe more than I was or I'll ever be. Because I wouldn't be so eager to talk about it with someone inside the bathroom. I would wait.

"Maganda pala 'to. 'Di ko 'to naappreciate dati." he, too, said these words I said when he told me to watch Spiderman, his favorite.

And that, maybe, is one of the things that would never be taken for granted in marriage. Bringing in your different world to combine. Not going in to his world or him to yours but combining your both worlds together. 

I maybe too early to give marriage advices but isn't the honeymoon stage is the sweetest? So am writing this also for myself in the future. Maybe I'll need it. Maybe we'll need this.

I wanted to remember that though he is Spiderman and I'm a Skywalker, we both love our worlds together and that it's perfect!