My definition of Love.

Long before, I decided not to talk about love and it's deeper meaning for me and how I feel toward it, not because I'm hiding something nor wanting to be discreet about it but mainly because I think no one will fully understand my point of view when it comes to love, plus the fact that I'm really not comfortable discussing that subject to anyone, even with my friends.

However, I know that there are circumstances that will require my clarification about love, or in a much direct word, about 'having a boyfriend'.

So for clarity's sake, I'll try my best to explain in a way that would make you understand my point of view on having a boyfriend.

First and foremost, let me clarify that I AM NOT AFRAID TO LOVE.

Most people think that I am afraid to love and to fall in love, especially those whom I considered as my friends, but again NO I'M NOT!

I don't usually go out on a date with guys because those guys who had asked me out were complete strangers: which either I met during a bus ride, or somewhere while I'm chilling out alone.

Okay, don't get me wrong, I know that dating was made for the sake of "getting-to-know-eachother" stuff, but hell no! I wont go out with a guy that I just met, not just because I don't trust these guys but also because they only asked me out 'cause I look good in their eyes. I also have this impression that those guys are "chickboys". So tell me, should a girl be going out with this kind of jerks. I say Hell no!

Yes, I go out with my guy friends but that's because they are my guy friends, nothing less and nothing more.

Secondly, I am not a cold-hearted girl. It's not that hard to make me fall in love.

To tell you honestly, I have this tendency to fall in love so easily (gosh, I can't believe I'm telling this in public), I've been in love for many times but it doesn't mean that I've been in a relationship for many times. Yes, I keep it all inside. I never gave a hint of my slightest feelings when I'm in love. It's really my nature to be caring, sweet and thoughtful. So when I fell in love with a guy, he will never know it and he will never know when I stop loving him. I don't care if he gets confuse but that's how I want it to be. The reason is simple, I just wanted to be sure that the man I fell in love with is a man whom I wont fall out of love no matter what. Call it playing safe if you want, but for me it's better that way. I'm just saving both ourselves from a wasted commitment.

So unless I'm sure that I wont fall out of love with this man, I wont grab the opportunity to have him as my third and last boyfriend. Yes, you read it right. I am not just looking for a boyfriend but a husband.

Third and maybe the last issue I will clarify: I'm single, but it doesn't mean I'm loveless and it doesn't mean I'm a flirt.


Being flirt is so much different with being nice. So don't you judge me that I'm a flirt, I'm just being nice.


I love all my friends even guys. I hang out with them, laugh with them, hold their hands and hug them. They are very close to my heart. And if I were to choose between boyfriend and them, I will choose them --- my super close friends. They know exactly who I am, well except for this part of my life that I'm avoiding to talk about.


See I am more than happy even without a boyfriend. I am loved, surrounded by my friends and love ones, and God loves me much, that's why I have all the reasons to be happy. So why be a girlfriend of a guy if it could be way better being friends? But then again, I'm not a flirt. :)


So I guess, the man whom I wont fall out of love should also be man enough to accept that I love my guy friends. :)


Yeah, I also think it's complicated, and you know what? It's not just complicated, it's ridiculous. Because the man whom I wont fall out of love no matter what, does not exist.


I aint really looking for a perfect one, just the man whom I wont fall out of love no matter what.


And if anyone would ask why I'm single, I'll tell that person to read this blog. For that person will not fully understand me by just answering "IT'S A CHOICE."


Now, Do you fully understand? :)

"SHELL-A"

S - H - E - L - L - A

Iyan ang gusto kong itawag sakin ng mga tao.

Pero ang totoo, Shiela ang pangalan ko.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero para sakin masyadong common ang Shiela, kaya mas pinili ko ang SHELLA.

Isang 'shell' na nilagyan ng titik 'a' sa dulo.

Iyon ang itawag niyo sa akin.

Oo, ayoko ng common, I strive to be creative and original.

Pero hindi naman ako outcast.

Hindi ako magugulat kung aakalain mong tahimik ako at mahiyain, malamang na bagong kilala mo palang sa akin.

Pero tama ka, minsan talaga tahimik ako pero hindi ibig sabihin nun e nahihiya ako, dahil wala sa bukabularyo ko ang hiya.

Pagsinabi kong nahihiya ako, 'wag kang maniniwala sa akin, tatlo lang ang totoong ibig sabihin nun: maaaring naninibago lang ako, o gusto kong pilitin mo ako o ayoko lang talaga.

Kapag minsan tahimik ako, ibig sabihin nun badtrip ako at 'wag kang magkakamaling dagdagan ang init ng ulo ko, pero pwede ring tahimik ako kasi ayoko lang talagang kausap ka.

Madaling uminit ang ulo ko, kaya 'wag kang magulat kung tatarayan nalang kita bigla 'pag may 'di ako nagustuhan sa ginawa o sinabi mo.

Aaminin ko, wala akong pasensya.

Huwag kang makipagdebate sakin kung hindi mo kayang harapin ang init ng ulo ko.

Malamang sa malamang ipaglalaban ko ang alam kong tama, kaya galingan mo ang pagpapaliwanag sakin para maunawaan ko ang punto mo.

Kung tumahimik man ako sa gitna ng debate, ibigsabihin nun maghanap ka ng kausap mo dahil ayoko ng makipag-usap sayo, malamang ang labo mong kausap.

'Wag mong papakelaman ang mga gamit ko lalung-lalo na ang mga mahahalaga sakin, kung hindi ka rin lang magpapaalam, baka kasi magsabong tayo.

'Wag mo rin ako hahamunin sa pataasan ng pride, kung hindi ka naman ganun kahalaga sakin, matatalo ka lang.

Pero ganun pa man, 'wag kang 'back fighter'.

Maging matapang ka na sabihin sa harapan ko ang lahat ng hinaing mo sakin, kung ayaw mong matawag na duwag.

Siguro ngayon, iniisip mo na komplikado akong tao.

Pwedeng nagkakamali ka.

Dahil madali mang uminit ang ulo ko, mas madali naman akong mapatawa.

Kahit gaano pa kakorni ang joke mo, matatawa pa rin ako dahil sa kakornihan mo.

Pinahahalagahan ko yung malalapit kong kaibigan dahil sila lang yung nakakaunawa sakin.

Tumataba ang puso ko 'pag pinapakita nilang kilala nila ang totoong ako.

May panahong seryoso ako, pero ibang klase din ako pagdating sa kalokohan.

Pwede akong matured sa harapan mo, pero madalas isip bata din ako.

Gaano man ako ka-moody sayo, ipagmamalaki ko pa rin na may puso ako.

Hindi mo 'to basta-basta makikita kung titingin ka lang.

Parang dagat: minsan payapa, minsan maalon; minsan high-tide, minsan low-tide.

Pero sa loob nito nandun pa rin ang totoong kagandahan.

Nandun din ang maraming 'shell'.

Pero ako, ako yung 'shell' na may titik 'a' sa dulo. :)

Rain in my different perspective.

Usually, life gets depressing when it's raining. I don't know about you, but for me, rain gives me the feeling of loneliness, irritation and most of all laziness. And I get accustomed with these feelings whenever it rains, which made me forget the beauty that it could give me.

I almost forgot how wonderful it feels like to play with the rain until I dance along with it again after how many years. That made me realized that I'm getting old because only a child and a child at heart could enjoy every raindrop on their skin that I almost failed to do. And I don't like that idea -- that I'm getting old and I'm starting to be one of those adults who take life seriously, and failing to see the other side of things, which they can possibly do back when they were younger.

Actually in reality, life is way too easy, it's just us who are making it complicated. So what if it's raining? Why don't we just grab the opportunity to listen to its sound and realized that it's actually a music. Why don't we try to play along with it and get soaking wet just like how we do it when we were younger.  "Feel the rain on your skin", like what a song said.

Be glad on whatever life gives you and in order to do that, you must learn to see things in a different perspective. God has a reason for everything.

And by the way, call me immature if you want to, I really wouldn't mind. I don't want to get old. It's always fun to be a child.

I'm not scared to die!

I'm not scared to die, I'm scared on how will I die and how painful will it be.


I'm not scared to die, it's just that I don't want it to happen now. I still haven't given my best to God.


I'm not scared to die, but I sure do hope to live long enough to fulfill my dreams.


I'm not scared to die, infact, I'm much scared to lose my ability to write than dying.


I'm not scared to die, But I'm still finding the very reason why God granted me to exist.


I'm not scared to die, but I want to know when will it be, so I could stop doing my responsibilities and do what I really like to while preparing my death party.


I'm not scared to die, and if it happens earlier than we expected, I want my super close friends to know it immediately. For they are very close to my heart, and I don't want them wondering why I'm not keeping in touch anymore. Tell them immediately that I die.


I'm not scared to die, for I know that I'll be forever alive in my love ones' heart. And my on-line blogs and noteblogs will hopefully remind them that I existed not just here on Earth but in  their lives. Please do read them, it could teach you many things. It will make you smile, laugh, angry, and think.


And lastly, I'm not scared to die for I know that I'll be with God. I'll be in a place called heaven sooner or later.


(Disclaimer: This is not a death note! I'm not scared to die, but I'm not one of those suicidals. :) )

I'm immature? How about you?

What's the real definition of maturity?

I haven't really thought about the deeper meaning of that word, until last night.

You see, I  want to live my  life the way God wants me to, but I think I need hell lot of strengths to achieve that. And so now, I must admit that I sometimes chose to live my life the way I want it.

I am fond of procrastinating. Once I started to chill and relax, it will be hard for me to move on and start to do things that I should do. It's hard, but I can win it over only if I really want to.

I'm also the kind of person who laughs at all stuffs that she thinks is way too funny. People can make me laugh so easy. And that's one thing I love about my self, the passion for laughing. It's one of my ways to enjoy life as it is.

I'm indecisive most of the time, especially when my decision will affect my life and my future. So, I'd rather go asking some of my close friends than figuring out the right thing to do on my own. That's why I love my special friends. I can surely lean on them whenever I'm in need. I thank God so much for them and for giving a not so loving but caring and real funny family. :)

But let's not talk about myself, let's talk about maturity and it's relation to me, if there's one.

Let's assume that there's a little maturity within me, how will you define it? Nah, you're not getting my point right. Maybe because you're too damn matured than me and you can't understand me because you think I'm immature.. hahahaha. Whatever!! nananana.. :P

Or maybe.. I'm too damn matured than you and you're not getting my point because you don't think like how the way I think.

So, what do you think?

Which is which? :)

"He's the one!"

Hindi siya maputi, pero hindi naman siya negro.
Hindi naman siya matalino, pero hindi rin siya bobo.
Matapang siya, pero nasa lugar kung lumaban.
Hindi siya mayaman, pero may kaya sa buhay.
Madalas niya kong napapatawa, pero seryoso siya kung kinakailangan.
Marunong siyang makinig at marunong siyang magpayo.
Marunong siyang umunawa at naiintindihan niya ko.
Mahaba ang kanyang pasensya, pagkat wala akong pasensya.
Kaya niyang umiyak sa harapan ko, patunay na kaibigan niya ako.
At bukod sa Diyos, kaya niya kong mapagbago.
Mahal niya ang mga taong mahal ko,
 at mahal ko ang mga taong mahal niya.
Pogi siya sa paningin ko:
 hmm, matangos ang ilong niya at maganda ang mga mata.
Matangkad siya kesa sakin, pero hindi siya payatot.
Hindi siya magaling magluto, pero marunong siyang magluto.
Tinatangkilik niya ang mga sulat ko, kahit pa hindi niya hilig ito.
Marunong siyang tumugtog ng instrumento, pagkat hilig ko ito.
Kaya niya akong pagalitan, pero hindi niya ako sinisigawan.
Maabilidad siyang tao, marunong gumawa ng paraan pero maprinsipyo.
Hindi siya relihiyoso, pero naniniwala siya at mahal niya ang Diyos.
Pinoprotektahan niya ko, at ipinagtatanggol kahit hindi ko pa sabihin ito,
Wala siyang bisyo, pagkat nagbago siya para kay Kristo.
Responsable siyang tao at may magnadang trabaho.
At higit sa lahat..
'Di niya ko kayang saktan, pagkat mahal niya ko.




...and those are the very reasons why I don't like to be married..
obviously my HE'S THE ONE and ONLY EXCEPTION doesn't EXIST
:)

"Letter to Myself"

Dear Shella,


Hello, though I know your day isn't good, allow me to say "GOOD DAY!" for formality's sake.


I know you've realized something, otherwise I wont be writing to you. I feel your pain and I bet you're crying while reading this... If I could only make you listen to me when I say "It's ok.", then I would shout it unto your face.


So you're asking about the unfairness of this world, and you want to know if your God is real, 'cause if He is, then why does shit happen?


What I want to say is please hold on, I know you really want to be a bad girl now, a selfish-bratty-bitch, but please.. try your very best no to.


Oh, you're asking me why?
Well hmm.. I don't know, I honestly can't find a reason why, except for the fact that you're a Christian.


Yes, you're a Christian. You believe in Christ and that Jesus had changed you... from bad to good, from good to better and from better to best.. From bad to good! Not from bad to worst. 


I know it's hard, believe me I know. And I'm running out of reasons to fight for the right thing to do as a Christian, 'cause like what you've said, the world is unfair and the people in it are mean (and that doesn't exclude you). Many deserve a punch on their faces. I feel you. They're really pushing your patience to the limit (although we both know that you have this very little patience).


You see, I really don't know what to tell you anymore, I don't know how the hell will I convince you to stay tamed. To be honest, I really want to say now "Ok go! Show them who you are and what you've got!", but then I still have to remind you, "base your decision, especially your action, not on your emotion."


Yes Shella, use your head. Being so damn emotional can only hurt you more.
And this time, I want you to listen. :)


Consult to me again when you need to, and though I know that you're not really listening, I'm just here.. Always here. :)

Thinkingly Yours,

brain.

P.S
Your God is real, because if He's not, the world and your life will be way much chaotic. :)
Oh, and about your thought of not getting married.. I think it's a good idea. :)

Bye Gloria, Hello Noynoy!

May panibagong yugto nanaman ang kasaysayan ng Pilipinas. Panibagong kasaysayan sa ilalim ng bagong administrasyon. Mga bagong politiko…Bagong pamahalaan at bagong pamunuan…Bagong pag-asa rin bang maitatawag?

Sa Hunyo 30, ibang presidente na ang mamumuno sa Pilipinas, presidenteng ibinoto ng karamihan, ang taong pinagkatiwalaan ng nakararaming Pilipino – si Benigno Simeon “Noynoy” Aquino III.

Malaking paghahanda ang ginagawa ng pulisya para sa inagurasyon ng napipintong presidente. Naging abala sila sa pagbantay ng mga daraanan at sa mismong lugar na pagdarausan – sa Quirino Grandstand.

Marami ang natuwa sa pagtatapos ng termino ni Presidente Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, hindi ko lang alam kung may nalungkot, siguro naman meron kahit papaano dahil aminin man natin o hindi e may nagawa namang mabuti para sa bansa niya ang pangulo. Kita niyo naman at humabol pa ng kung anu-anong proyekto bago matapos ang kanyang termino. Siga na, palakpakan na natin siya kahit dalawang bagsak lang.

At kahit papaano ay nakakabilib pa din ang tikas ng presidenteng ‘to. Biruin mo halos lamunin na siya ng buong-buo ng mga nagpapababa sa kanya at kung anu-anong isyu na ang ibinato sa kanya, matigas pa rin niyang pinandigan na siya ang presidente ng bansang ito, siya ang boss at siya ang may hawak sayo. ‘Di ba ang tigas!

Dahil sa mga naransan natin sa ilalim ng pamamahala ni Gloria, napapaisip tuloy ako kung anu namang mga bagay-bagay ang mararanasan natin sa ilalim ng administrasyon ng presidenteng ibinoto “NINYO.”

Ano nga kayang hatid ng pamahalaang Aquino? Pag-asa o paglala?

Ano pa nga bang magagawa natin kundi subaybayan na lamang ang bagong yugto ng kasaysayan ng Pilipinas, kesa naman gumastos ka pa para magpahula kay Madam Auring o sa mga manghuhula sa Quiapo para lang malaman ang kinabukasn ng Pilipinas sa ilalim ng pamumuno ni Aquino, abangan mo na lang.

At kesa pagtuunan natin ng pansin at punahin ang mga magiging pagkakamali ni Aquino sa hinaharap, ba’t di nalang natin ipanalangin na gabayan siya ng Diyos sa mga bawat hakbang at desisyon na gagawin niya para sa bansa. At tandaan natin na kahit presidente pa siya, tao pa din siya na hindi perpekto at nagkakamali.

Hindi ako pro-Noynoy, pero hindi ibig sabihin nun ay hindi ko siya susuportahan ngayong presidente na siya.

Hindi ako pro-Noynoy, pero hindi ibig sabihin nun ay magrarally ako sa Mendiola at ipagsisigawang bumaba na siya sa pwesto.

Hindi ako pro-Noynoy, pero wala akong magagawa kundi igalang siya dahil siya ang nagwaging pangulo ng bansa.

Gayun pa man, dapat din nating isaalang-alang na hindi lang ang bagong pangulo ang may hawak ng kinabukasan ng Pilipinas, kundi ang bawat Pilipino din. Kaya kung gusto nating bumangon ang Pilipinas, umpisahan natin sa ating sarili, tapos isunod ang pamilya. Makikita mo at di magtatagal ay mahahawa rin ang kapit-bahay mo.

At sa aking huling talata, may tanong lang ako sa aking mambabasa…. Sa loob ng siyam na taong pinagsamahan, mamimiss mo ba si Gloria? J

Who's happy now??

"Don't be too happy, something bad might happen next."


If you're thinking that something bad happened to me because I was extremely happy a while ago.. You're definitely right!


I guess I'm not the only one who've experienced it. And oh gosh! How disappointing it was to suddenly drop you're happiness and excitement from 97.7 percent to .7! point 7! (sigh)


And how come??
Why do bad things happen when you're too happy??
Is there any scientific reason behind that?! (Hope so, so we could learn the theory of it)
Or it's just a mere coincidence of life.. or maybe a product of our own self reasoning because we tend to blame someone or something else when things don't fall according to our plans and expectations.
Which is which?


But the hell I care. What important is I enjoy my life. I'm not going to avoid being too happy or guard my own feelings just to not experience this "bad-thing-might-happen-next" thing. I'm not saying to not believe that phrase, because that certainly happened, happening, and will happen.


My point here is that "life is short", so why waste it by putting limitations on yours? But I do not mean that we get wild to the point that we're already violating God's word (Bible).
What I mean is, if we're happy then enjoy the most out of it..


Besides, it's normal to sometimes be disappointed. After all, where we are is called "EARTH" - it turns. Hope you get exactly what I mean.


:)

NICE? NAH!

"There are people who are nice to you.. but they're really not nice at all.."




There are people who seems nice. But believe me, they're not, especially when you're not around. Some people show kindness just because they need something from you and just because they have to maintain their so called "goody-good" image to their audience's eyes.


And who's fooling who? they pretend.. they hide behind their facade.. and they will keep on doing that until time comes that they realized that it's themselves they are fooling.


That's why my friend, the secret here is not to mind them at all. If they're nice then be nice, but don't you ever forget that there are nice people who aren't really nice at all. Let them fool their own selves but never let them fool you.


:)