How it all begun?
Let's talk about from the first time I heard the news. It was early summer last year when my father told me that his brother will be back again here in the Philippines. Yeah, after 19 or maybe 18 years, he'll be back again. I was kinda happy, excited and very glad. It will be the very first time that I'll be seeing him, and see his face in person. In pictures, he looks like my father, they're like "pinagbiyak na bunga."
I've been actually talking to him through YM and telephone calls. His nice, and I like him. I'm proud to call him Tito.
It was March, when my Tita, sister of my father, called me to inform that he'll soon be home, maybe after a month. I was happy. I told my tita that it's good that he'll be home. I said I was very excited because for the very first time, I'll finally meet my tito in person. I'm telling the truth when I said those words. I'm really glad that he'll be back home.
And then, May came. He's home. I remember that day. My Father fetch him in the airport. He said that we don't have to make a party. Just a simple dinner, that's all. They want his return to be discreet. But "may pakpak ang balita" that's what they say.
He's standing infront of our door, carrying a bag in his hand and carrying on his shoulder a big black bag, which I l found out later that it's his bass guitar - that was his first appearance.
He's actually great. We like to hear his story. What it was like there in another country. What does he actually do there. What was his routine. How? What? When? Where? Why? So many questions. We like him.
He chose the room downstair to be his room. It was his father's room before - my lolo.
Everything went well. We're one big happy family. Until, things changed. Maybe he got disappointed, or tired of helping with financial matters. I can't blame him, He doesn't have a job, and he needs to save money for himself. And his planning a bussiness that requires a large amount of money.
For more than 3 months, he was the one paying bills. Internet bill, Electric bill, and even for our water supply. I forgot to mention earlier that after maybe 3 weeks of his arrival, Maynilad cut its services on us. "Putol". So we need to wait and pay for "malinis at murang patubig ni Mayor" delivery truck every other day, which cost us 60 pesos every delivery. That's when I realized the importance of water and the needs to conserve it.
During those days, He became strict. He became rude, with the way he talk to my mother. And I didn't like his words when he's talking to me or even with my siblings. For me, he appeared like he's the LAW now. He's like trying to control what we should do and not do in the house without even asking our opinion, tinalo niya pa parents ko. And that gives me irritations. Especially, the part when he's telling something not good aboout our mother. I mean, who is he to say those things to her. He doesn't even know her well. And that was when I started to accept the war he offered.
I didn't talk to him anymore unless he's asking me something. As his niece, I still have to be civil and respect him. But I think, he misunderstood it everytime I defend my mother. He thinks that I'm over reacting. I won't just nod at every words he said. I'm big enough to know what's right and wrong, and when's the time to defend.
Until every words he said became offending, espesially when the subject or when he's talking to my mother. That's why I totally rebel against him. I see him as someone who doesn't have any respect for someone, so why should I respect him? People who don't respect people, deserves not to be respected either. It's like a payback to make him realized what he's been doing wrong.
Then I got hired. It was September 21, 2010 when I got hired. I started to pay bills, then he started to ask for the money that he said my mother owed him. He kept on asking my mother about it, then we never spoke to eachother after the first word fight we had.
That word fight has its second, third and so on..
I feel satisfied or maybe I satisfied my pride and ego everytime I say hurtful words to him; everytime I answered back at him. But I was never really happy. I felt so devastated. I felt that I don't have home anymore only a house full of craps.
The damaged between the two of us seems to get worst everyday. My mood turns bad everytime I see him or feel his presence. And this is not right. I have to stop this, because how will I grow for Christ if this sin is hindering me to get close with HIM?
And right now, I mean earlier, when I'm brushing my teeth, God touch my heart and it's not "pusong bato" anymore for my Tito. I don't know how. But right now, I want to say sorry to him. I want to write a letter for him. I want this to be over. I'm a servant of God and I shouldn't let the enemy use me against HIM.
The Bible says in Galatians 2:20 "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."
And in James 4: 1-2 "1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God."
I'll make this blog as a reminder that I already forgave him - my tito.
Hope that he can forgive me too.
God answers prayer. Thanks to my dearest friends who prayed for my heart to be changed. :)
How will you forgive when it hurts so much? God will change your heart.
