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Miracle and Pain Part II

"...but with this, am I wasting my miracle?"

We cannot let pain be the master of our life or us be the master of it. If your life is truly surrendered to Jesus, you got to give it up to Him too. I know it felt like you deserve that pain, but you are isolating that part of your life to the power of Jesus. You are disconnecting that part to Jesus. And you know it's wrong. 

So, we got to make the decision to let it go. Don't keep that pain. It's no longer yours the moment you have decided to have a personal relationship with Jesus as your personal Savior and Master of your life (Romans 3:23; Romans 6:23; John 3:16). It's up to Him to decide whether to heal that pain or keep it with you forever. Let him. If He wants that pain written in your heart, okay. If He wants you to completely be healed from it, okay. Just let Him have that decision. He has forgiven your past and perhaps right now, it's hard for you to forgive yourself, it's okay, but don't barricade that part of your life, allow Jesus to work on it.

It's not instantaneous, it is a process. And the first step is you deciding to give it up to God (Colossians 3:1-2 "If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on earth."). Put down all the barricade you have placed on that area. It's not yours to keep. It's okay to cry and cry and bleed everytime the thought of it comes to your mind but this time do it while allowing Jesus to work on it (Matthew 11:28-29 "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy ladden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your spuls."). It will get better whether he decides to let that pain stay with you or be healed from it. Because He never wasted pain. I know, I, too, will get better handling this pain. I have decided to give this up. It's not for me to hold on it anymore and I am giving it up to Him. I am not the master of this pain nor pain being my master. It's not for me to decide to keep this pain in my life forever. If Jesus will heal this pain, then be it, if He decides to make it stay with me, then be it. But it's completely up to Him. I know whichever His decision is will make me better and falls accordingly to the future He has for me that wouldn't waste the Miracle He has done, is doing, will be doing in my life (Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.").

Miracle and Pain

 "Don't waste your miracle on your pain. You deserve better." 

As I am passively waiting for what could be God is telling me to meditate on this Holy Week while being busy with other stuff as a thriving human, I came across the line above. It was from a series entitled Manifest. 

The person being told with the line above is haunted by her past: her past sins, regrets, lost. And yes, she is in pain that cannot be cured by ugly crying every night. 

And as I asked myself if this was really what should I be meditating this Holy Week, I am slowly accepting the fact that I, too, is in pain. And some of these pain, I have chosen not to heal from. I am firmly decided to keep this pain forever because it's okay for it to be part of me, or perhaps, it is part of me already and that's okay. Or perhaps, I can't forgive myself or I simply don't want to let go. But now, I am questioning myself if it's right. Because if God wants me to meditate on it, what could He be telling me about? 

The Holy Week is just starting. I will get back with part II of this blog if there are relevant insights that I should be sharing with you regarding this topic, because I would like to be of help too despite my circumstances - somehow a light in the dark, but for now, I think I am the one needing a torch to lighten my thoughts with me not letting myself heal. Because technically, it's pretty obvious... almost everybody is telling that we should let ourselves heal and forgive ourselves, but perhaps you can forgive yourself and still be hurt everytime the thought of those certain past suddenly pop up, because you cannot numb the pain, or perhaps you don't want to numb the pain. But with that, am I wasting my miracle?

Remarkable Part | At Night We Are Dancers by RM Topacio-Aplaon

 I couldn't agree more.

This is a heavy novel and it's not for the fainthearted. Actually, most of his novels are, (stop reading, spoiler alert) but this one, just like Topograpiya ng Lumbay, will never give you an ending that your soul longs for for the protagonist.

You can order here: https://s.shopee.ph/8UvJAQI3zl

You're welcome.

Remarkable Part | Poemsia by Lang Leav

Halfway through the book, I was really questioning myself why am I still reading this. It's not that the writing is bad nor the story, but perhaps, I've grown as a person and this is not my genre anymore. It's like I'm watching a "teen flick". 

But I don't usually give up on a book and I try as hard as I can to finish the one I have chosen to read. And mostly, I thank myself for doing so, because most of the time the ending or plot twist is rewarding. Just like Poemsia, it gets better as you reach the final pages. Although, it still felt like watching a "teen flick".

This is the first book I have read written by Lang Leav who is an international best seller, yet I have read books from other authors who are not widely known but they write better stories. I am only comaparing Poemsia, perhaps her other books are better. Sorry for being a Penelope here, but I assure you this Penelope is not against pop genre rather simply stating facts based on experience.

And anyway, since I am writing this blog, here are the parts that have put a smile on my face, or perhaps a crackling laugh:

Marriage Advice No. 3

Married life is an extreme roller coaster ride. Once you entered this sacred vow, you have to get ready to experience the highs and lows in your relationship as lifetime partners.

There will be days that your lows are your fights, that at that very moment felt like you need to end your relationship now.

Perhaps, you have never felt that surrender before and this time you have reached your limit. Thinking it's better to end things now than to continue emotionally hurting  eachother because for sure, this situation will repeat in the future and there will be more at stake by then. By ending your relationship now, you are saving the both of you a more drastic break-up. 

Perhaps, that is where most relationship ends. At that kind of low. Because, yes, it is more ideal to save both of you than to continually be hurt by staying in the relationship. 

But also, that is where you'll know you have married the right person. Because he/she will stay. He/She will cry and burst put all his/her unsaid hurt feelings but at the end he/she stays.

And perhaps, you can try to push more his/her limit and patience with you because you really wanted to save the both of you from further hurting eachother by bidding goodbye now. But this person will always choose to stay.

He/she kept fighting for your relationship. Because perhaps, he/she knows that a married life is an extreme roller coaster ride and this is just part of the lows because surely the highs will follow. And he/she has chosen you through thick and thin. It's you he/she wants to spend this extreme roller coaster ride with. It's only you.

When you have realized this truth, you gotta stop pushing him/her away in exchange of saving the both of you. What you should do is stay too. And hug this eternity you two have created for the life you have envisioned. You gotta fight to keep this too, not to tear it apart. Help your partner who wants the both of you get through this low. 

Not everyone is blessed to have that kind of partner. And you got to realize that now and not after you have let him/her go. You have found your gem and now you got to decide and commit to fight for your relationship to last whatever happens. Like how he/she does.

You got to realize now that you have not mistaken of choosing him/her, God did really send him/her to be your lifetime partner. You have to realized it now. Not after you have decided to let him/her go. Yes, I am being redundant because this needs to sink in. 

There are lows, but there are highs too. And after you got through this kind of low, the burden or threat of it repeating subsides.

Also, keep including your relationship in your prayers. You would not survive without God being at the center of your relationship.

Shalom to you and your lifetime partner! 🫰

Disclaimer: The fight I meant here is a fight not involving physical attack or abuse nor emotional manipulation. If that's the case, leave and never look back.

Modern Day Pharisees

I recently had a discussion with a friend about Christian Lifestyle. Actually, I tried hard not to pop his bubble but as he kept repeating, "As a christian, dapat lahat ng software/subscriptions mo original/legal", I reached my limit and disagreed. I told him,"You cannot go there. You cannot say as a christian. Paano kung legal nga netflix mo, pero panay blasphemy naman ang pinapanuod mo. Or legal nga lahat ng software mo cheater ka naman."

He didn't stop. He continued to agrue his point and so I was. We ended the conversation without agreeing to eachother, and I guess, we agreed to disagree. 

But it made me realize, given that he is a church goer, there is really a high possibility that there are a lot of self-righteous christians out there. Our argument is no different with "church goers being more holy than those who don't". I mean you can be a consistent church goer but a gossipper everyday, degrading other people's lives and the example goes on. I could list it all and take forever. 

I know we are not perfect and will never be. That's why church is there. That's why we constantly need Jesus. But please, since we are not perfect, the least we can do is avoid putting wordly classifications to our faith. 

Imagine a person trying his best to live a righteous life with Jesus, and you try to desensitize his faith by saying you are less of a christian because your software/subscriptions aren't legal, which he can't afford because he has no budget for it and he is prioritizing to supply the needs of his family. How dare you. Shame on you. You are worse than him using pirated software/subscriptions.

Jesus is more concern with your heart and your walk with Him than the worldly standard they have set for you to be able to fully accept you a christian. Your relationship is with Jesus is far more important than their opinion, please remember that when they look down on your faith. As long as you don't compromise your walk with God and Christlikeness, these modern day pharisees' hypocrisy rebuke is nothing but a clinging cymbal.

Innocence is Bliss

Someone asked me what is my happiest moment in life. I think most people would agree that their happiest moments were back when they were still a child. Of course, you would only know that once you are in the past-paced world of adults.

Once you are bombarded with responsibilities that come with adulthood you would realize that arriving at home from school with snacks already prepared by your mom and eating it while watching your favorite anime on tv, or the times when the school were suddenly postponed due to the bad weather condition that made you able to watch Batibot or Wansapanataym, your favorite child oriented shows, were actually the best times in your life.

It's also the only time where the whole family is complete without occasion. This hits big time to a large family, especially when you and your siblings are closely bonded. Because back here, where you are all grown-ups and your parents are old, is a different place already and all you can do is look back to those good old days. I hope we knew back then that it will be our good old days, perhaps we had took the time to savor those moments and forget the idea to grow old fast. It's funny that back then, we thought that we need to get old fast and be matured so that we can conquer the world and our aspirations immediately. We were wrong. We had the world back then.

Maybe that's why older generations love seing nostalgic things... because they bring us back to the time where we are genuinely happy. Such nostalgia that we can only look back to.

Indeed, innocence is bliss. So, to the younger generation out there, savor your family time. Enjoy the fleeting moment of being a child. Don't grow old fast. ☺️ Be silly with your siblings. Be present and enjoy the company of your parents. ☺️

Para Kay Bob Ong at sa Masugid na Tiga Basa ng mga Sinauna Kong Blog

Kamusta ka na Bob Ong? Dekada na din ang lumipas mula nung mabalitaan kong may bago kang librong isinulat. Nagsusulat ka pa ba? Namimiss ba kita? Oo, naman. Ikaw kaya ang nagudyok sa akin na posible pa lang maging manunulat kahit hindi nakapaloob sa teyoryang itinuturo sa literatura. Magsulat ka kung paano ka magsalita, parang ganun. 'Di mo kailangan pekein ang personalidad ng paglalahad mo ng istorya, parang ganun. 

Anyway, hindi naman ako sumulat para lang kamustahin ka kasi malabo namang sumagot ka at malaman ko ang kalagayan mo. Pero, gusto ko lang malinawan at masiguro sa sarili ko na hindi naman siguro madumi ang isip ko no... Pero kasi, pareho ba tayu ng iniisip dito? 👇

Dahil ito ang pinakapaborito kong libro mo, binasa ko ulit. Ngunit ngayon, may mga detalyeng kagaya niyan, na ngayon ko lang naunawaan ang subtle meaning, kung meron man. Pero sinadya mo 'yan. Please,aminin mo. 😅 Marahil nga ay hinulma na ng panahong lumipas ang aking pag-iisip kaya kung ano-ano na ang napapansin. 😅

Hindi ko pa tinatanong ang iba kung anong palagay nila diyan sa talata na 'yan. Dumeretso ako sa'yo, sa may akda. Kahit alam kong 'di naman aabot ang liham na ito sa iyong lingid.

At sa'yo na masugid na humahalungkat ng aking mga panunulat. Ikaw naman ang pangalawa kong tatanungin... Anong naunawaan mo sa talatang iyan 😅? Nagpapasalamat na din ako dahil dahil sa'yo, nanunumbalik ang paghanga ko sa sarili ko sa mga nailalabas kong salita/talata/pag-iisip sa pamamagitan ng pagsusulat. Parang pwede kong sabihin, "I was a good writer 10 years ago." Pero hindi ko 'yun alam 10 years ago. Ngayon ko lang naappreciate na talaga palang may potential ang mga sinusulat ko.  Tama lang palang inilathala ko ang mga iba kong panunulat dito sa world wide web.

At sa mga hindi naniniwala sa akin, pasensyahan tayo, patuloy akong magsusulat. 🤪 Magsusulat na lang ako ng magsusulat kesa maging decipherer. Kaso, bakit ganun, kahit ayokong magdecipher kusa itong inihahain sa aking harapan. Pero, hindi na nga ako magdedecipher, isinusuko ko na. 'Ba naman the last time I did, saan ba ko pinulot at nakarating? Tulad nitong, liham kong 2in1, kung san-san na nakarating.

O siya, iiwan ko na lang ang isa sa remarkable lines ng kwentong ito. Halos ang buong istorya naman ay remarkable. Kaya nga paborito ko ito, ngunit kung hihingi man ng remarkable line, isa ito 👇 (Hanggang sa muli, Shalom)

"Mga bata pa kayo. Pag pinaniwalaan...