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Miracle and Pain Part II

"...but with this, am I wasting my miracle?"

We cannot let pain be the master of our life or us be the master of it. If your life is truly surrendered to Jesus, you got to give it up to Him too. I know it felt like you deserve that pain, but you are isolating that part of your life to the power of Jesus. You are disconnecting that part to Jesus. And you know it's wrong. 

So, we got to make the decision to let it go. Don't keep that pain. It's no longer yours the moment you have decided to have a personal relationship with Jesus as your personal Savior and Master of your life (Romans 3:23; Romans 6:23; John 3:16). It's up to Him to decide whether to heal that pain or keep it with you forever. Let him. If He wants that pain written in your heart, okay. If He wants you to completely be healed from it, okay. Just let Him have that decision. He has forgiven your past and perhaps right now, it's hard for you to forgive yourself, it's okay, but don't barricade that part of your life, allow Jesus to work on it.

It's not instantaneous, it is a process. And the first step is you deciding to give it up to God (Colossians 3:1-2 "If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on earth."). Put down all the barricade you have placed on that area. It's not yours to keep. It's okay to cry and cry and bleed everytime the thought of it comes to your mind but this time do it while allowing Jesus to work on it (Matthew 11:28-29 "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy ladden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your spuls."). It will get better whether he decides to let that pain stay with you or be healed from it. Because He never wasted pain. I know, I, too, will get better handling this pain. I have decided to give this up. It's not for me to hold on it anymore and I am giving it up to Him. I am not the master of this pain nor pain being my master. It's not for me to decide to keep this pain in my life forever. If Jesus will heal this pain, then be it, if He decides to make it stay with me, then be it. But it's completely up to Him. I know whichever His decision is will make me better and falls accordingly to the future He has for me that wouldn't waste the Miracle He has done, is doing, will be doing in my life (Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.").

Miracle and Pain

 "Don't waste your miracle on your pain. You deserve better." 

As I am passively waiting for what could be God is telling me to meditate on this Holy Week while being busy with other stuff as a thriving human, I came across the line above. It was from a series entitled Manifest. 

The person being told with the line above is haunted by her past: her past sins, regrets, lost. And yes, she is in pain that cannot be cured by ugly crying every night. 

And as I asked myself if this was really what should I be meditating this Holy Week, I am slowly accepting the fact that I, too, is in pain. And some of these pain, I have chosen not to heal from. I am firmly decided to keep this pain forever because it's okay for it to be part of me, or perhaps, it is part of me already and that's okay. Or perhaps, I can't forgive myself or I simply don't want to let go. But now, I am questioning myself if it's right. Because if God wants me to meditate on it, what could He be telling me about? 

The Holy Week is just starting. I will get back with part II of this blog if there are relevant insights that I should be sharing with you regarding this topic, because I would like to be of help too despite my circumstances - somehow a light in the dark, but for now, I think I am the one needing a torch to lighten my thoughts with me not letting myself heal. Because technically, it's pretty obvious... almost everybody is telling that we should let ourselves heal and forgive ourselves, but perhaps you can forgive yourself and still be hurt everytime the thought of those certain past suddenly pop up, because you cannot numb the pain, or perhaps you don't want to numb the pain. But with that, am I wasting my miracle?