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Miracle and Pain Part II

"...but with this, am I wasting my miracle?"

We cannot let pain be the master of our life or us be the master of it. If your life is truly surrendered to Jesus, you got to give it up to Him too. I know it felt like you deserve that pain, but you are isolating that part of your life to the power of Jesus. You are disconnecting that part to Jesus. And you know it's wrong. 

So, we got to make the decision to let it go. Don't keep that pain. It's no longer yours the moment you have decided to have a personal relationship with Jesus as your personal Savior and Master of your life (Romans 3:23; Romans 6:23; John 3:16). It's up to Him to decide whether to heal that pain or keep it with you forever. Let him. If He wants that pain written in your heart, okay. If He wants you to completely be healed from it, okay. Just let Him have that decision. He has forgiven your past and perhaps right now, it's hard for you to forgive yourself, it's okay, but don't barricade that part of your life, allow Jesus to work on it.

It's not instantaneous, it is a process. And the first step is you deciding to give it up to God (Colossians 3:1-2 "If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on earth."). Put down all the barricade you have placed on that area. It's not yours to keep. It's okay to cry and cry and bleed everytime the thought of it comes to your mind but this time do it while allowing Jesus to work on it (Matthew 11:28-29 "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy ladden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your spuls."). It will get better whether he decides to let that pain stay with you or be healed from it. Because He never wasted pain. I know, I, too, will get better handling this pain. I have decided to give this up. It's not for me to hold on it anymore and I am giving it up to Him. I am not the master of this pain nor pain being my master. It's not for me to decide to keep this pain in my life forever. If Jesus will heal this pain, then be it, if He decides to make it stay with me, then be it. But it's completely up to Him. I know whichever His decision is will make me better and falls accordingly to the future He has for me that wouldn't waste the Miracle He has done, is doing, will be doing in my life (Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.").

Miracle and Pain

 "Don't waste your miracle on your pain. You deserve better." 

As I am passively waiting for what could be God is telling me to meditate on this Holy Week while being busy with other stuff as a thriving human, I came across the line above. It was from a series entitled Manifest. 

The person being told with the line above is haunted by her past: her past sins, regrets, lost. And yes, she is in pain that cannot be cured by ugly crying every night. 

And as I asked myself if this was really what should I be meditating this Holy Week, I am slowly accepting the fact that I, too, is in pain. And some of these pain, I have chosen not to heal from. I am firmly decided to keep this pain forever because it's okay for it to be part of me, or perhaps, it is part of me already and that's okay. Or perhaps, I can't forgive myself or I simply don't want to let go. But now, I am questioning myself if it's right. Because if God wants me to meditate on it, what could He be telling me about? 

The Holy Week is just starting. I will get back with part II of this blog if there are relevant insights that I should be sharing with you regarding this topic, because I would like to be of help too despite my circumstances - somehow a light in the dark, but for now, I think I am the one needing a torch to lighten my thoughts with me not letting myself heal. Because technically, it's pretty obvious... almost everybody is telling that we should let ourselves heal and forgive ourselves, but perhaps you can forgive yourself and still be hurt everytime the thought of those certain past suddenly pop up, because you cannot numb the pain, or perhaps you don't want to numb the pain. But with that, am I wasting my miracle?

Modern Day Pharisees

I recently had a discussion with a friend about Christian Lifestyle. Actually, I tried hard not to pop his bubble but as he kept repeating, "As a christian, dapat lahat ng software/subscriptions mo original/legal", I reached my limit and disagreed. I told him,"You cannot go there. You cannot say as a christian. Paano kung legal nga netflix mo, pero panay blasphemy naman ang pinapanuod mo. Or legal nga lahat ng software mo cheater ka naman."

He didn't stop. He continued to agrue his point and so I was. We ended the conversation without agreeing to eachother, and I guess, we agreed to disagree. 

But it made me realize, given that he is a church goer, there is really a high possibility that there are a lot of self-righteous christians out there. Our argument is no different with "church goers being more holy than those who don't". I mean you can be a consistent church goer but a gossipper everyday, degrading other people's lives and the example goes on. I could list it all and take forever. 

I know we are not perfect and will never be. That's why church is there. That's why we constantly need Jesus. But please, since we are not perfect, the least we can do is avoid putting wordly classifications to our faith. 

Imagine a person trying his best to live a righteous life with Jesus, and you try to desensitize his faith by saying you are less of a christian because your software/subscriptions aren't legal, which he can't afford because he has no budget for it and he is prioritizing to supply the needs of his family. How dare you. Shame on you. You are worse than him using pirated software/subscriptions.

Jesus is more concern with your heart and your walk with Him than the worldly standard they have set for you to be able to fully accept you a christian. Your relationship is with Jesus is far more important than their opinion, please remember that when they look down on your faith. As long as you don't compromise your walk with God and Christlikeness, these modern day pharisees' hypocrisy rebuke is nothing but a clinging cymbal.

Innocence is Bliss

Someone asked me what is my happiest moment in life. I think most people would agree that their happiest moments were back when they were still a child. Of course, you would only know that once you are in the past-paced world of adults.

Once you are bombarded with responsibilities that come with adulthood you would realize that arriving at home from school with snacks already prepared by your mom and eating it while watching your favorite anime on tv, or the times when the school were suddenly postponed due to the bad weather condition that made you able to watch Batibot or Wansapanataym, your favorite child oriented shows, were actually the best times in your life.

It's also the only time where the whole family is complete without occasion. This hits big time to a large family, especially when you and your siblings are closely bonded. Because back here, where you are all grown-ups and your parents are old, is a different place already and all you can do is look back to those good old days. I hope we knew back then that it will be our good old days, perhaps we had took the time to savor those moments and forget the idea to grow old fast. It's funny that back then, we thought that we need to get old fast and be matured so that we can conquer the world and our aspirations immediately. We were wrong. We had the world back then.

Maybe that's why older generations love seing nostalgic things... because they bring us back to the time where we are genuinely happy. Such nostalgia that we can only look back to.

Indeed, innocence is bliss. So, to the younger generation out there, savor your family time. Enjoy the fleeting moment of being a child. Don't grow old fast. ☺️ Be silly with your siblings. Be present and enjoy the company of your parents. ☺️

Para Kay Bob Ong at sa Masugid na Tiga Basa ng mga Sinauna Kong Blog

Kamusta ka na Bob Ong? Dekada na din ang lumipas mula nung mabalitaan kong may bago kang librong isinulat. Nagsusulat ka pa ba? Namimiss ba kita? Oo, naman. Ikaw kaya ang nagudyok sa akin na posible pa lang maging manunulat kahit hindi nakapaloob sa teyoryang itinuturo sa literatura. Magsulat ka kung paano ka magsalita, parang ganun. 'Di mo kailangan pekein ang personalidad ng paglalahad mo ng istorya, parang ganun. 

Anyway, hindi naman ako sumulat para lang kamustahin ka kasi malabo namang sumagot ka at malaman ko ang kalagayan mo. Pero, gusto ko lang malinawan at masiguro sa sarili ko na hindi naman siguro madumi ang isip ko no... Pero kasi, pareho ba tayu ng iniisip dito? 👇

Dahil ito ang pinakapaborito kong libro mo, binasa ko ulit. Ngunit ngayon, may mga detalyeng kagaya niyan, na ngayon ko lang naunawaan ang subtle meaning, kung meron man. Pero sinadya mo 'yan. Please,aminin mo. 😅 Marahil nga ay hinulma na ng panahong lumipas ang aking pag-iisip kaya kung ano-ano na ang napapansin. 😅

Hindi ko pa tinatanong ang iba kung anong palagay nila diyan sa talata na 'yan. Dumeretso ako sa'yo, sa may akda. Kahit alam kong 'di naman aabot ang liham na ito sa iyong lingid.

At sa'yo na masugid na humahalungkat ng aking mga panunulat. Ikaw naman ang pangalawa kong tatanungin... Anong naunawaan mo sa talatang iyan 😅? Nagpapasalamat na din ako dahil dahil sa'yo, nanunumbalik ang paghanga ko sa sarili ko sa mga nailalabas kong salita/talata/pag-iisip sa pamamagitan ng pagsusulat. Parang pwede kong sabihin, "I was a good writer 10 years ago." Pero hindi ko 'yun alam 10 years ago. Ngayon ko lang naappreciate na talaga palang may potential ang mga sinusulat ko.  Tama lang palang inilathala ko ang mga iba kong panunulat dito sa world wide web.

At sa mga hindi naniniwala sa akin, pasensyahan tayo, patuloy akong magsusulat. 🤪 Magsusulat na lang ako ng magsusulat kesa maging decipherer. Kaso, bakit ganun, kahit ayokong magdecipher kusa itong inihahain sa aking harapan. Pero, hindi na nga ako magdedecipher, isinusuko ko na. 'Ba naman the last time I did, saan ba ko pinulot at nakarating? Tulad nitong, liham kong 2in1, kung san-san na nakarating.

O siya, iiwan ko na lang ang isa sa remarkable lines ng kwentong ito. Halos ang buong istorya naman ay remarkable. Kaya nga paborito ko ito, ngunit kung hihingi man ng remarkable line, isa ito 👇 (Hanggang sa muli, Shalom)

"Mga bata pa kayo. Pag pinaniwalaan...

Grounding Inside the Dark Tunnel

In case you are going through dark times again, where everything is confusing and you seem to lose yourself, wondering why you should need to continue existing, where depression and anxiety are being dominant. I am here to tell you that you are not going through it alone. Most people go through that phase many times in their life and here I am to help you go through this darkness. Let me aid you, with the little light I have, to help you take steps toward the end of this dark tunnel.

I know you feel alone but believe me you're not. Continue trusting and keep the faith that God is with you. There will be times you won't feel His presence in this fight but He's there, just continue walking and soon you'll realize that He indeed never left you. In fact, He is carrying you. Remember the footsteps on the sand? That is a fact.

Aside from that, please accept that you need help. First, from God. Get to know Yeshua (Jesus). Have a relationship with Him. I am a living testimony that He saves. I wouldn't survive this darkness if I haven't have a relationship with Him. I have accepted Him as my personal Savior and believe me when I say He'll keep saving you. All it takes is a faith with a size of a mustard seed to see His glorious works in your life. I encourage you to read the Bible for the references of these things I am sharing with you, but first pray and ask God for guidance so you wouldn't misunderstood God's Word. 

Another important factor to help you get through these dark times, is having a support system. If you have a partner, you must help them understand what you're going through by telling them exactly what is going on with you. No holding back. All. And if you can't find words to explain because it feels it doesn't make sense or you are afraid of being judged or because it sounds crazy, express it though. And if he's/she's going to leave you because of that, let it be. And you'll know you're with the right person if he/she stays. You gotta trust your partner. That's a major factor to survive the next time you find yourself in dark places again. Support system, can also be your family or a close trusted friend. The technique is, there should be someone you completely trust without hesitation and God must come first on the list.

Another important thing is to bring back your consciousness to your first encounter in this dark place so you could know: (1) who put you there at the difficult situation and learn to let go of it, burn bridges if you must. Learn to prioritize your peace. (2) Who helped you survive, who helped you walk through this life, who kept you going. Keep them by all mean, it's not all the time life blesses you with genuine people who'll help you get through dark times. By doing this, you get to know and reclaim your fight and that the battle is not yours but God's. The reason why you are at the very moment where you are. Why you need to keep existing. Perhaps, your ikagai or your new ikagai, if you happen to have finished your previous ikagai. Create or just do something nice for your soul and wellbeing.

It will be tiring, believe me it will be. I myself don't want to continue anymore because it's tiring. I actually have prayed to God to let me be with Him. But there are parts of me that want to survive these dark times, to keep going, to take one step at a time because oo nga pala, the battle is not mine but His. And as I take steps, I am able to see more of God's signs and wonders and His marvelous works. It straightened my faith.

I hope we all get through these dark times and find ourselves trusting God even more than before that we cannot doubt Him anymore because we have experienced Him so much.

I'd love to keep seeing you at the end of the dark tunnels. Let's not lose the source of our light, or the light Himself -- Jesus. Okay?

Remarkable Scene: Moving Series

Moving is a superhero themed k-drama series. Just like Umbrella Academy, it was originally from a webtoon. And just like Umbrella Academy, I came to love the story primarily because of the quality of background music and sound bites they meticulously used. The story line just came second.

For me, the remarkable scenes are found at the latter episodes. It is also where the moral and heart of the story takes place.

The latter episodes give us the pov of the villains from the north; how they come to know their power; how their power have been discovered; and why they attack the heroes of the south. And it's sad. Sad to the point that I sympathize with them than the heroes.

I will not be posting here all the remarkable scenes, but here is one of the best: 

Let me know your thoughts too after watching this series.

Something Stronger Than Your Mind

I've come to the point of questioning whether having a strong mind is a blessing or a curse.

We always romanticize strong minded people, but the real deal is that there will be times that your greatest enemy will be your mind. It will shout lies repeatedly. We tend to succumb to these lies not because we are weak minded but it's the other way around - our mind is strong. It just so happened that it turned against us. Those are the times that you've got to be stronger than your mind. And perhaps, it will be the only moment that will make you realize that there is something stronger beyond what keeps our sanity -- Faith.

I am heeding to you to build your faith by having a personal relationship with Jesus. Accept Him as your personal Savior and know Him deeper because that will strengthen your faith, and whatever happens, keep that faith. It will be your greatest weapon the moment your mind becomes your enemy. 

And then, meet me at the phase where we both know that what actually keeps our sanity is our faith to Jesus and His help alone. I would love to have a coffee with you together with my husband. God bless. 

Marriage Advice No. 2

I wrote our first advice last year, and just now comes the second. And again, I reiterate, that we are no expert, we are just sharing insights from what we are learning as married couple to maybe somehow help other couples too.

In any romantic relationship, love is important, but so is, respect, forgiveness, trust, faithfulness, understanding, patience, and the list goes on. Your relationship will not survive a lifetime if it is only anchored on love and love alone. It needs to be anchored on the list I've mentioned (and what I've said the list goes on). But most importantly, first, your relationship needs to have a deeper and strong foundation, and that is God. And those aspects will naturally be born as you go on with your relationship. 

And sometimes, in order to give your lifetime partner the respect, faithfulness, understanding he deserves you need to let go of things that makes him feel otherwise. That includes cutting ties or attachment that he doesn't approve of. I have to admit that I don't understand this at first. We argue over this thinking he doesn't widen his mind and see from my perspective. I have seen him as someone who lacks faith in my love for him whenever this issue arises. I actually made steps to make him build the same attachment I have with this person. And I thought for awhile it worked. It was only when I saw and felt my man's pain brought by the attachment I have with this friend, I realized that I am not becoming of a wife he deserves. I am hurting him. And I am choosing to hurt him with having this attachment he doesn't approve of. And I don't like hurting him. It hurts me too. And so, I cut the ties with my long time friend.  

Don't get the idea that this post is about me cheating. No. I would never hurt him like that. The attachment I am talking about is a long time friendship with an opposite sex. Do I love him?Yes, but I only love him as a friend. That's for certain. There are only few things I am certain about, and that's one of it. We've known eachother since High School, and he is one of the few people who stayed all through my life's seasons. That's why I don't understand why I have to cut our ties. Our friendship is that deep already, deep but not in a romantic way. That is maybe why it's hard to let go. I thought it could exist side by side with our married life. But I have married my man whom I vow to keep on choosing everyday over someone. And if it hurts him, I don't want it. 

So to that friend, If you're reading this... This is the answer to why I suddenly stop communicating with you. You always told me your girl is not bothered with our relationship, but my man is. I told you once that before, and you being friend with him didn't work. I will still be your friend and will always be your Basyang but let me be just a friend from a distance, supporting you quietly. I can no longer be by your side with all the activities we share interest with,  am sure your girl will do that with you. Continue living happy. 

And to you, my Man, I love you. I respect you. I understand you. I will be faithful to you for the rest of my life. And just like my vow, I will always choose you. I would turn my back to whatever is hurting you. Which made me realize, that If I were in your position, I would definitely feel jealous too and might do something unpleasant with you and your girl friend. But you always turn your back to whatever hurts me. Indeed, I  blessed having you. Thank you for being so patient with me. I love you everyday, always.  

And that my dearest readers, is our marriage advice for this season. Look forward for more. 

I'm sorry it took me long to make a stand with you, Johnny Depp

 Uh-uh, not my Johnny. 

I didn't know the man personally. I am just a fan who adores him from a distance. I don't know anything about their relationship nor how and what really went wrong. But I know, that they both have lapses, it's not just Amber.

For a girl to act like that, his partner perhaps fell short of the girl's definition of love and relationship. Perhaps Johnny had failed her somewhere on the line. But to treat your partner like that doesn't justify it. It doesn't give you the right to be abusive of your partner just because he always fall short of your expectations. And to devise evil against him is a big no-no. You don't do that to the person you love. You just can't.

It makes me wonder if she really had loved Johnny. 

It's a good thing the truth are all coming out. I adore Johnny, but it is only now I took a stand with him, now that the evidences of violence to him has been given. Because I thought it's not right for me to make "sawsaw" on their private relationship I know nothing about.. 

But now it's clear that this isn't about making "sawsaw" on their private relationship anymore, nor standing up with Johnny because you're a die-hard fan. It's speaking up against domestic violence. And we should fight against it and make a stand. Domestic violence should have no place in any homes. Regardless of the gender, no one should be a victim of it.

And, yes, not my Johnny. You don't do that to my Johnny. 

Sincerely Mainit-ang-ulo-kay-Amber,

One of Johnny Depp's number 1 fans.

(Yes, madami kaming nagkeclaim na number 1 fan niya)

When Mystery Scares

I had a weird dream when I was young. Perhaps I was around Grade 5 to early High School. I forgot when exactly I dreamt about it. 

This dream is one of the few things I remember vividly until now. And just recently, I think, it somehow made sense. 

In the dream, I was with a boy, and he was somehow helping me escape the villains following us. I don't remember his face. I didn't know what he looks like but I remember the feeling. The feeling he gave that I was secured and protected. That he won't let any harm befall me. And perhaps, I love him for that. 

When I woke up, I was left wondering what did I just dreamt and why did I dream that. Why does my subconscious brought me that dream. And look at me now, still remembering the details of that dream. 

But lately, I recognize the connection of that dream with my recent experienced on my reality. But how did my subconscious knew I will go through that situation many years from that moment?

The world is full of mystery. And there are things that should be left mysterious. I learned that you don't have to uncover all the mysteries in this life. Sometimes, you just have to have faith and keep holding on that faith and trust the Almighty who holds you in the palm of His hand. He is Omniscient, and may that kept you going despite being bombarded with mysteries that scares you. 

Marriage Advice No. 1

I turned off the faucet, as I can't hear clearly the speaking voice behind the bathroom door. "Ha?", I said. "Alam ko na 'yung sinasabi mong clone. Siya 'yung Tatay ni Rey. Magiging scavenger sila. Blah blah." "Anak ng clone si Rey?" I said, but actually I was pertaining to the other clone, Fin. I did not correct him. We were talking about these before I enter the bathroom to take a bath. 

Months ago, I started to entice him to watch this amazing saga. "Panuorin mo 'yun. Maganda istorya nu'n" I told him. And just days ago, he surprised me, "Maganda 'tong movie. Ayaw mo panuorin." and then, seeing Rogue One playing on the screen.

I watched it again with him. All of the trilogies and saga. 

Now, here, we're down to the latest trilogy, which I admit was the least I fully understand among the saga, the very reason why we had the conversation that he is now continuing while am taking a bath, boy, I never thought he would be this hooked. 

"Dapat kasi may panuorin muna bago yan para maintindihan natin lalo. Parang ang layo ng laktaw." I suggest. He continued to tell the background story of Rey. "Tapusin ko lang paliligo ko. Mamaya na." he continued speaking as he walks away from the bathroom door.

I smiled and laughed. I realized he is so into it already. Maybe more than I was or I'll ever be. Because I wouldn't be so eager to talk about it with someone inside the bathroom. I would wait.

"Maganda pala 'to. 'Di ko 'to naappreciate dati." he, too, said these words I said when he told me to watch Spiderman, his favorite.

And that, maybe, is one of the things that would never be taken for granted in marriage. Bringing in your different world to combine. Not going in to his world or him to yours but combining your both worlds together. 

I maybe too early to give marriage advices but isn't the honeymoon stage is the sweetest? So am writing this also for myself in the future. Maybe I'll need it. Maybe we'll need this.

I wanted to remember that though he is Spiderman and I'm a Skywalker, we both love our worlds together and that it's perfect!

Remarkable Part: Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver

 

The moment I realized that every creature in this world has a precious life to respect, I started treating them that. Because, really, it's always the case. So yeah, I'm one of those people who doesn't kill a spider just because it shares my space; I don't kill ants walking across the table because they, too, has a life and why would I take it away just because I have the ability to do so? 

And reading this book, highlights that side of me and strengthens my thesis about life of other creatures. And made me realize that there are people who think the same way I do with this certain topic. 

I actually don't have much remarkable part to share with you except these lines from the start and repeated at the end. Because yeah, it's a fact. 

Here it is:

 

My Hopes are High

 

" I hope that wherever you go next, you feel peace, you feel safe in a way that you never did here."

"I can love you and still let you go."

As I was browsing FB, I came across this post, these lines from the series 13 Reasons Why, and it reminded me of one person -- my Mama. 

It's been almost 5 months since she went in the arms of God. I know she's in the loving arms of God now and that she no longer feel pain and suffering brought by her illness and by certain circumstances in life. Still, the pain of losing her pains me. Not granting her healing, still hurts. Losing her still hurts. I don't know if it's just a phase I need to go through; that the mourning will pass as time goes by. As of now, it feels that this pain will always stay in my heart, and that's okay. I'm okay with that. I can move on from it and still feel the pain of losing her. It's part of me now and that's okay. Maybe I will be hurt everytime I remember that she could have lived her life with us happy and abundantly without illness and failure from her dreams that she maybe dreamt of ever since she was young. And I saw her failing every time she tries. But who I am to say that she has failed. Maybe she has succeeded more than that and it's just between her and God. 

The beautiful life I imagine with her that never happened in this timeline will always haunt me though I know she is perfectly happy and fine wherever she is now. 

My hopes are high that wherever she is right now, she feels peace, she feels safe and healthy, she finds true love the way she never did here. 

I love you, Mama. I can love you and still let you go. 

Remarkable Part: The Reason, The Mystery, The Return by Lacey Sturm

If you have heard about Flyleaf, then most probably you know who is Lacey Sturm. Yes, she was the vocalist of the band, now she uses her voice through writing about her testimonies and relationship with God. She continues to encourage more young people through her books and speaks.

She has written, as far as I know, 3 books. Yes, the ones mentioned at the title.

Since, my brother bought her 3 books, I hod the chance to read them and was inspired by her story and her passionate walk with God.

And here are rhe remarkable parts of the books (I am not going to mention which book the posted remarkable part is. It's up to you to find out, so I encourage you to read them too) :

1. 

2. 

3.

Sometimes, our God just wants to be our friend, not seeking praises or repentance, He just wants to be there to comfort and have a talk just like a best friend. 

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

Yes, I know. This one's very hard to apply.

17.

18.

19.

20.

"I had begun cold towards others. I doubted the ability to show the hope I had found to those who needed it. It was like the prodigal son. When he returned to his father after hitting bottom, he pleaded to him to be treated like one of his father's servant. That was his mentality. Just make me a servant. But his father would have none of that. He restored him to his status as a son and heir."

21.

22.

23.

24.

The Athlete and Her Coach

Last day, I met again my teacher back in grade school. Also, he happened to be my coach in track and field. I remember him. He didn't even recognize me.

I wanted to tell him that I was one of his players in track and field. I wanted to remind him that I was the one whom he trusted to run in can't-remember-meter-dash-run, whom everyone thought will get first place while they were all cheering loudly but ended up last because I slid myself on the mud due to exhaustion, which was part of the challenge, catching my breath. He was still cheering for me to stand up and continue to run but I gave up. I wanted  to remind him that I was the one whom he trusted in shot put and due to my clumsiness threw it while a referee was on the field. The referee got angry at me thinking he was lucky he hasn't been hit, while in my mind I thought he was not lucky. Maybe I know that my throw lacks strenght and will not reach his position. Nevertheless, I should have not thrown it, I wasn't paying attention. And he, my coach, got angry with my clumsiness and lectured me right there and then.

I wanted to remind him that I was that thin tall girl he trusted so much with track and field and failed him. And we'll just laugh about it. Because it is laughable now. But it wasn't during that time.

But I didn't bother reminding him. He's kinda busy talking to someone and he seems to know already that your failures today won't matter after several years. Failures don't define you, it can only redirect you.

Kamusta Passion Mo?

Minsan pagod na 'ko makibahagi patungkol sa topic na 'to. Pagod na kong magbigay ng opinyon at ipalaganap na sa buhay dapat ipinaglalaban mo ang passion mo.

Kasi hindi madali. Baka gumagawa tayo ng "make believe" sa mga tao lalo na sa kabataan tapos sa huli madidismaya lang sila.

Kasi kahit ako dumating na sa puntong tinalikuran ko na yung passion ko dahil tingin ko, wala naman pinapatunguhan. Kailangan ko tumanda. Nandyan ang mga obligasyon na dapat punan; responsibilidad na dapat tugunan. Hindi na kasi tayo bata na meron gagamot ng sugat kapag nadapa; merong sasalo sa t'wing mahuhulog. Hindi ka na bata na laging inaalalayan. Kailangan mo tumayo sa sarili mong paa at para mangyari 'yun may mga bagay kang dapat bitawan katulad ng paghabol mo sa itinuturing mong passion.

Pero alam mo kung anong nakakatawa, kasi kahit sinukuan mo na ang passion mo hindi ito titigil na ipaalala sa'yo kung ano siya sa'yo at kung gaano mo siya minahal o minamahal kasi kahit tinalikuran mo na ito hindi naman ibigsabihin nun na tumigil kang mahalin ito. Kahit anong mangyari karugtong mo na ito; nasa iyo ito. Na may dahilan kung bakit inilagay ng Diyos 'yang bagay na 'yan sa puso mo. Huwag ka sana mapagod manalangin para dito dahil maniwala ka, hindi ka pababayaan ng Diyos. At sana kung hindi ka na naniniwala sa passion mo, wag ka tumigil maniwala na may plano ang Diyos sa buhay mo.

Hindi ko alam kung tama pa rin bang sabihin sa panahon ngayon na gawin mo ang passion mo. Pero ang alam ko, kahit hindi 'to sabihin manunumbalik ito sa'yo at nasa iyong desisyon kung ipaglalaban mo ito ngayon. At kahit hindi mo ito ipaglaban, manunumbalik pa din ito at nasa iyo pa din ang desisyon kung papansinin mo. Paulit-ulit itong babalik at paulit-ulit kang magdedesisyon.

Battling Anxiety and Depression: You are not Alone

I never knew what depression and anxieties are until it hit me and experienced it myself. Thank God, He helped me go through it.

The first thing you should do when you are in this situation is to accept the fact that you're in that state of mind: anxious and depress. Otherwise, you wouldnt't be able to get out of it.

Second, don't pretend that you are tough and not needing the help of others. Don't build walls around you. Don't indulge yourself in the thought that no one will understand what you are going through. It is a lie that the enemy is instilling in your mind for you to lose this battle. Seek help from God and He will give you the right persons to also help you go through it. Be open to your family. Never ever doubt them. Ask for prayers. Listen to what God is saying to you. In this world, you will only recognize the voice and leading of God if you have a relationship with Him. Have a relationship with Jesus and the rest will follow. It won't be easy but you will be victorious with your relationship with Him. Be vulnerable to Him and trust Him.

Third, do the things that awaken the motivation in you. In my case, reconnecting with the nature plays a big part of it (although I am doing it quite some time before). It helped me remember how awesome and sovereign God is. It makes me remember how faithful God is in my life. It refreshes my whole being. Also, it makes me write and if you are following my blogs, you know for sure that writing is my passion. Reconnecting with the nature makes me create and produce a passion; a passion which was placed by God in my heart from the very beginning.

Fourth, use your situation to inspire and help others who go through the same situation. Like what I am doing now -- sharing this story. You went through it for a reason. And that reason will be revealed by God. But be careful, remember that what you went through wasn't about you. You should proclaim the goodness and works of God. Don't put yourself ahead of Him. Don't be decieved.

Fifth, say 'thank you' to all the persons God sent during your battle. Appreciate them. Family or friends. They are the truest of all the persons you have in your life.

Sixth, forgive those who have hurt you or caused you to suffer depression and anxiety. It doesn't matter if they ask for it or not. They may not know what they have caused you. Still, forgive. Release your forgiveness. And again, it is only possible when you have a relationship with Jesus. Because having a relationship with Jesus is also knowing Him intimately day by day, and you will know how big His heart is when it comes to forgiveness.

Seventh, and probably last, remember this passage from the Bible where Jesus said: Take heed and be of good courage, I have overcome the world. I forgot the verse but you can search it on google to double check. :D

Now to end this blog, here's some photos to lighten up your mood. These are proofs how sovereign God is. The world is His canvass, witness and feel.

-end-

Mas tunay, mas masakit.